Hey it has been a while.  I guess I am not too surprised after all it takes a lot of motivation write something like this.  Anyway, let's get on with what has been going on.  Really all that has gone on in my life since I last posted is I have lost 12 lbs.  Otherwise I have been doing nothing with my life.  Not that there is much I can really do anyway.

I think it was... wow two weeks ago... damn it has been a while.  Anyway two weeks ago I had a break down that almost killed me.  Luckily I was able to keep myself from running my van in the garage.  Like I said on a forum even if I called for help no one would have come to save me.

This was all triggered by Z.  She decided she had better things to do that weekend then spend time with me.  Her "best" friend of whom she has barely spoken too and not seen for over a month.  Then to top things off, the guy she has been "dating" broke up with her.  That just shattered me all the more.  Because instead of telling me straight out that it happened she played one of her fucking games with me.  She went on about how she wishes she could write a computer program to be the perfect boyfriend.  I guess she also spoke about her sister's boyfriend too.  That was her way of telling me I guess.  Stupid bitch, really she knows I am not as observant as her.  Yet she went ahead and played the games anyway.  So yeah I think I am permanently broken.  You see last week I was planning on killing myself.  However, that fell through, since my roommate decided he did not want to go not be in the apartment.  I was planning on drinking myself to death.  My roommate is a drag to be around when I am drinking.  Mainly because he tries to drink then gets sick and quits.

Plus then there is work.  Oh happy fun day, I am getting demoted... well officially anyway.  I will still keep my pay and my job.  Since the jackass who is taking my job is a narcissistic jack ass.  He will take my title then pawn all of his work off on me. That way he can keep doing what he is doing and blame everything on me.  However, I just do not care anymore to be honest.  This job is taking me no where fast.  I need to quit.  Then again I am probably going to quit living soon so why fucking bother?